Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Saving Myself (From Myself)

The Very Long Engagement, or What I Was Watching at 3 a.m.
P.S. I heart subtitles...

Would you ever want to read a book whose protagonist keeps making the same mistakes over and over and remains in an obliviously unhappy holding pattern until the very.last.page? No, you wouldn't. You'd let the first couple of times slide, and then expect her to learn her lesson. If she didn't, you'd get frustrated and put down the book.

So then why is it so hard to realize when you're that protagonist? I mean, do I really want to experience something DIFFERENT? Then I should change my flippin' methods. Why has it taken so long for that little tidbit to actually sink in?

Case in point:

This morning while the rest of the world lay sleeping, I was wide-eyed and restless. I wandered to the living room couch, where the dog and I watched a French, subtitled film until 4 a.m. (See above) Hours later, I walked around my house in a tired daze until early afternoon, not really accomplishing much.

And then something in me snapped...I did the dishes, vacuumed the floor, made the bed, and made something to eat for my son. (This is the normal stuff.) But then, instead of escaping with a book or a movie or a Parisian blog, I went to my computer and switched it on. I gathered all the information I needed to build a resume. When I'd finished, I submitted it for a job. In another city. Do you understand how very liberating it was to do this--a thing I've put off for years?

If that weren't enough change for one day, I joined a three month weight loss challenge with thirty other women from all over the country. This involved posting a current picture and weight, which was the grown-up equivalent to finally gaining the courage to look under the bed to see if there were any monsters under there. Instead, there were just thirty women who are probably going to very grumpy people in the next few days. :)

It looks like my storyline may be starting to look up.

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4 Things not left unsaid:

femminismo said...

Ooooh! This sounds exciting! Applying for a job and getting grumpy denying yourself food!! But change will happen and who knows what's next? This is interesting stuff. I can't believe how much I love this photo. Is it from the French movie and which movie is it? I'm due to spoil myself a bit. (I would believe you took this photo. It looks very like your work.)

Keetha said...

Sounds like changes are afoot! Congratulations! I can't wait to hear more.

Jacqueline Gates said...

I was giggling out loud at "the grown up equivalent" of looking for monsters under the bed!

Very, very courageous of you, my angel, and I have no doubt that both adventures are going to provide fodder for lots of new awarenesses ~ and we don't care if you get grumpy!

G aka J

Gretchen said...

Bravo! Not too late to rewrite our own endings. Git, monsters!!!